yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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