the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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