Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
