On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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