Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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