her vagine was all disorganized.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
