There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
