She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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