Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
