I seem to have left my pride at pride
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
