My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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