Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
