He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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