I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
