hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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