We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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