lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
