thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
