Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
