fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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