Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
