Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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