I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
pray to the hookup gods
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
