There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
