I love black thongs
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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