My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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