My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
