Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
