I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
