What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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