anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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