I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
