He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize