fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
