just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
