break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
