I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college