I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
