I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
