And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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