i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I believe in your delicious
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
