Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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