I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this boner is exhausting
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
