I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
