It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
