you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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