I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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