If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I skipped work to stalk him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
