How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Houston, we have a blender
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
