fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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