I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
