Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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