This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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