You smell like a Billy Joel song
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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