MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
