is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
