don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
