dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
