you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
