Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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