Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
