Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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