Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize