just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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