I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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