Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
