Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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